Project 52: Thirteen to Sixteen

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I know this is not a new photo for those of you who have seen my Facebook page. It's still pretty much my favorite photograph I've ever taken and I thought it went very well with this truth. 

We have been BUSY the last few weeks. And I have been unmotivated to write down our hundreds of truthful moments. Call it overwhelmed.... lazy... unfocused. Either way, we have been focused on learning what a family of four looks and feels like so the blog-a-rooni has taken a back seat. Now that we've started to get into a groove (as much as you possibly can with a teeny tiny newborn), hopefully I'll keep up to date with our lovely lessons for our lovely cherubs. :)

Our sweet Amelia Grace came home several weeks ago -- just before her 4 week birthday. Big Brother Lucas has been an incredible help since Amelia's homecoming: he's changed diapers, he's made formula bottles (with significant help, fear not), he's been a fantastic tour guide when we had family in town ("this is my sister!" is his favorite line)... to say the least, he's adjusted much better than we could have expected. You know... so far. Amelia hasn't tried to take his toys or pull his hair, but until that time comes, they're sweet.

I get to reflect back on the relationship I have with my siblings when I watch Amelia follow her big brother with her eyes or when I watch Lucas"brush" Amelia's hair with his lion brush. I am unbelievably blessed with the most selfless, loving, brilliant pair of siblings a girl could ask for. We're all within 4 years of each other and grew up spending the majority of our time when we were little playing only with one another. My first best friends were my siblings -- and we're still pretty ridiculously close. My brother dropped everything he was doing when Amelia was born and drove 5 hours to see us that weekend. My sister came as soon as the military allowed - and stayed for an entire week thanks to some great friends ;) Lucky would be an understatement - my brother and sister are gifts from above.

Siblings have a special bond that no one else understands -- and Korey and I are incredibly lucky to be able to watch Lucas and Amelia experience that relationship as well. Work might be temporary and hobbies come and go (especially if you're a one, Ashley Kemper). But family... that's a permanent heart-filling that will always be the most rewarding responsibility. Lucas & Amelia: the two of you are blessed beyond measure.

Project 52 | what you take...

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Let the NICU lifestyle commence! 

I posted this truth as a Pinterest pin earlier this week and it has been a resounding message for me in the last few days. Luckily, this blog provides a perfect opportunity for me to say THANK YOU for those things I might over look from day to day... Brace yourself, 'cause it's a lot!

The image this week is the main lesson that I've been mulling over: Mom and I met a lovely woman who had twins several weeks ago. One got to go home, the other is "trapped" in the NICU as our neighbor because she's having trouble eating. I take for granted the fact that at my little girl can take her feeds from a bottle consistently -- and is allowed to eat up to 40 cc's ad lib. I feel let down when she only takes 32 cc's (she only has to eat 30), but my NICU neighbor is praying that her daughter (who weighs twice as much as Amelia) will drink an entire feeding in the thirty minutes they're allotted. 

I take for granted that my baby girl is growing by an ounce a day. Slow and steady... Some of my NICU neighbors are praying that their child grows at all. I have no idea what 1 lb 9 ounces looks like... but some parents do. I have no idea what it's like to fight the NICU battle... and lose. I have no idea what it's like to want a child so badly with every fiber in your being and not be able to have one. These "tough" moments in the NICU we take for granted are the ones some are praying for. 

I take for granted that my three year old boy doesn't ever stop talking. Ever. (Seriously, my family didn't believe me until they came down the last few weeks... Never. Stops. Talking). I teach kids who still struggle to form appropriate sentences and interact with their peers. When Lucas was two,  I prayed that he would learn to form a complete thought. His vocabulary included maybe 20 words. As soon as he started full time at his daycare, his vocabulary doubled... tripled... quadrupled... and he never looked back. The fact that I can hear his voice, laugh at his terrible jokes, and hear him say "I love you" makes it entirely worth it. 

I take for granted that my parents (and siblings) are able and willing to drop what they're doing to drive over 900 miles to be with me during a terribly rough time for our family. Grateful doesn't come close to covering the emotion or level of thankfulness I have for having them in my life to begin with, let alone at my house for Easter / to drive me to and from the hospital / to take care of Lucas / to do my dishes / to cook my favorite meals from my childhood. Life is good when Mom & Dad are around -- and some people are praying to have theirs back in their lives. My family (biological and otherwise) in New York is super important to me, and I take their love for granted sometimes. Love love LOVE them and all that they do for me from such a far distance away.

I take for granted that most of Korey's family lives within a day-trip's-driving distance away. His parents dropped what they were doing to come up when Amelia was born. Many people pray to find in-laws they can deal with... and mine are like a second set of parents. His sister invites us over to let Lucas run around (think: puppy-on-a-farm) and to spend quality time with her kids. His Aunt & Uncle took Lucas the night before our C-section without any question. His grandparents sent cards and prayers and calls... I could not pray for a better family to have married into.

I take for granted the people that I work with (past & present). I left school on a Thursday and by Friday morning they had things planned for and covered that I couldn't have even thought of. My coworkers shuttled Lucas to and from school, kept him entertained during a time of uncertainty for us, bought adorable premie clothes because we had none, and began a meal calendar to help us when Amelia comes home. To say I work with family is an understatement. Many people are praying for a job, let alone one that makes you feel like you are a part of something great and bigger than yourself. 

I take for granted how easily our family was accepted by our new church family. In the last few months we've been made to feel like we've been a part of Blakemore our entire lives... like we've grown up here! Some people, especially at this time of year, are praying to find the Grace that we've been blessed to know. 

I could continue to list the things that I take for granted: My husband (that's for another lesson). My friends from all over the country. My ability to breath. My heart's ability to beat... on it's own... regularly... 

My lesson to my children (that's still taking some getting-used-to) is to often take a step back and realize that the things you go through every day are sometimes the things that someone else is desperately searching for. And when you can combine the two together (the things you have, with the things someone else is longing for) you have the perfect opportunity to provide the Grace you've been given. 

------- A NICU update: we are up to 3 lbs, 10.25 ounces. The doctors took her PulseOx off her foot because they're no longer worried about her oxygen levels. She has her eye exam (already!?) next week. And... I saw a quick glimpse of... (brace yourself) discharge papers attached to her isolet. Whaaaaat!? It's coming.......!

Project 52 | eleven

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I have been behind in updating this project, but I promise to be on track again soon! Between finishing up paperwork at school before being fully on maternity leave, making our daily trips to the NICU, and adjusting to the medicines that I'm on to maintain that balanced blood pressure, the moments left in my day have been spent either sleeping, eating, or snuggling with my favorite preschooler. 

This week's lesson is a reminder to my angels that the journey towards anything worth the voyage may be hard, but if you don't take that first step, you'll be stranded on the shoreline for good. 

Our sweet Amelia has been making great gains in her NICU isolet, but the weight gain is a S-L-O-W process! I had forgotten just how hard Lucas had to work to put on the ounces, and Amelia is working just as hard to plump up those cheeks! Last night we celebrated a 2 gram weight gain. Grams (to put it in perspective) is what you use to measure sugar... and salt... and Amelias. :o) 

Every little bit is a success in our book -- she may have a thousand grams to go, but any step in the right direction is a step worth celebrating. 

Lesson learned. :o)

*** I'm pretty sure the quote goes "A journey of a thousand miles..." but with the foot photograph, I felt obliged to edit. ;)

Project 52 | ten

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Every time I look at this photo, I smile. My, oh my, have we been taught this lesson over and over again in our lives together... but let me share with you the happenings of this week to keep 'ya up to date. :o)

Two Fridays ago (March 1), we set our date for surgery in order to welcome our baby girl in the world. April 26! We were excited, but realized we were really very nervous of being parents of two. Were we ready? Did we have everything we needed? What could we do to prepare more? Did we need more clothes / diapers / bottles? How would we know we were ready...

We were celebrating the fact that we had been pregnant for 31 weeks! We had completed the week when Lucas was born prematurely and were continuing our journey on our normal pregnancy path. There may not have been streamers or balloons, but we celebrated every morning we woke up still pregnant. Our doctor asked to see us each week since this was uncharted territory for us. Everything was normal and she assured us that we shouldn't expect anything to change, but just to be safe...

Thursday, March 7, I went down to the school nurse to have her check my blood pressure. I'd been a bit more swollen than normal (NOTHING compared to the first pregnancy) and I had promised Korey that if I was ever feeling weird during the day I'd have someone check out my blood pressure. Thinking nothing except I needed to relax a bit, the nurse read my stats back to me: 187/107... whaaat?

I went to my boss and asked if I could rest during my next class period: she told me to go home. A bit nervous at the high pressure and knowing that this was sign numero uno of Preeclampsia (what caused the premature birth of our first kiddo), I called my doctor to let her know what was happening. The office was closed for lunch, so instead of driving home (where I wouldn't be able to relax until they were open), I drove downtown to the office to have someone double check the numbers. The doctor that was there took one look at the numbers and sent me across the street to the hospital. She said, "they'll be able to get labs back faster than we will... just to be sure."

So I called Korey, parked in the hospital parking lot, and checked in on the maternity floor. "Luckily", we had just registered the day before for our April C-Section, so all of my information and medical records were in the system from the doctor's office. Within an hour I was hooked up to fetal monitors, blood pressure cuffs, and had blood drawn. Korey met me in triage and we chuckled thinking of how out of place this whole process was. The doctor on call (part of the practice I saw) told me to be safe we would do a 24 hour urine and readjust from there. With the help of friends and family, we found somewhere for Lucas to rest for the night, had plans set up for the weekend, and spent a "relaxing" night in the antepartum ward of the hospital. Since our "regular" appointment was the next day, we were also sent for an ultrasound, only our second view of our little angel since we'd been pregnant. All in all, it was a pretty fun day.

Fast forward to Friday night, Dr. Yu (the doctor who had sent me to the hospital in the first place) came into my room, sat down on the couch next to my bed, and let me have it straight. To qualify as mildly preeclamptic, a woman would have 0.3 grams of protein in her urine. To be severely preeclamptic, she has 0.4 grams. Mine... had 1.3 grams of protein in it. In addition, baby girl was in the 2nd percentile for growth, which meant that my condition was preventing her from growing any more. Those two conditions meant that we had *potentially* days before we'd have a repeat of our first pregnancy: she needed to be delivered first thing Saturday morning.

It's hard to describe the feeling of that realization. But the timing is what hit me the hardest. I wasn't ready: I had prepared myself for at least 4 more weeks of pregnancy. I had planned out maternity leave and lessons for my students. I hadn't prepared my mind for a C-Section. I hadn't fully thought about what it meant to be a mom of two. This wasn't what I had planned - it wasn't time yet.

But my heart was relieved that all of this had transpired and that I was safe and sound in a hospital, with professionals that could take care of me, keep me from seizing, and deliver my little girl into the world with as little complications as possible. My time didn't matter... this was way out of my hands now.

I started a round of magnesium to prevent my body from seizing (the latter stages of eclampisa, which is where I was with Lucas, involves seizures, multiple system failure, heart failure, etc). I went through pre-op for my C-Section, met the attending doctor and the nurses, and heard about all of the things that could go wrong. My attending doctor was unreal: I had never met her before, but she knew everything about me, how to talk me off the ceiling, what I needed to hear, and answered every question I couldn't have thought to ask. 

At 9:28 on Saturday, March 9 we welcomed Amelia Grace into the world: 3 pounds, 2 ounces, 16.5 inches long... and she cried as any newborn would have. Her lungs were well developed. Her coloring was perfect. Everything couldn't have been timed better. ...it's a good thing I'm not in charge of timing :)

I came home after 7 days in the hospital adjusting blood pressure meds (common with preeclamptic women post-partum). Amelia will spend the next few weeks growing in the NICU... and she is making HUGE gains every day. For instance, she had her central line taken out within a week, she's breathing room air, and she took her first feeding from a bottle this morning... at a week old. It's hard to describe to the nurses that the scary part for us is behind us: the C-Section and preeclampsia were the hardest for us to work through. 

And now we wait for our sweet girl to put on some weight and maintain her own body temperature. Once she's in an open bassinet and able to feed on her own (without her tube) we will be on our way to going home. All of the NICU jargon is coming back to us, we've adjusted to the schedule again, and we're beyond grateful for the amazing nurses that take care of our precious daughter 24/7.

She may not have come on our time. And she hasn't come home on our time. But our time means nothing: a lesson I hope my children learn after their times spent in the NICU. 

For You formed my inward parts;

     You knitted me together in my mother's womb.

I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are Your works;

     my soul knows it very well...

Your eyes saw my unformed substance;

in Your book were written, every one of them,

     the days that were formed for me,

     when as yet there were none of them.

- Psalm 139: 13, 16

Project 52 | nine

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Our snow this weekend was a great reminder that our little guy - with all his little idiosyncrasies - is perfectly perfect in every way just the way he is. Even when he reminds me how to spell his name for the 400th time each day. Or when he defines "spooky" for me for the 30th time on our way home. Or when he locks his Daddy in the bathroom so he'll fix his flashlight thingy. He's one of a kind -- and that's my favorite. :o)

Project 52 | eight

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We're taking a break from sentimental lessons and moving into a bit of humor. :o)  Enjoy!

The lessons of life can be summed up in the words of fabulous Girl Scout Cookies. Here are our Top Five:

1) Make you own path -- the only thing you need to Tag-a-long to are those tasty peanut buttery cookies. You can join friends and family on some wild adventures, but be sure to check you conscious before jumping head first into the river. Know yourself. Make your own decisions.

2) Life will always leave you wanting Samoa. Enough is a threshold that we often dismiss in our present; there is never going to be enough of a good thing. Fill your heart with love for others and feed your soul with work that makes you feel complete.

3) It's never too late to say Thanks-a-lot. It's the message that can never be said too much. The universe around you is waiting to be appreciated -- just do it.

4) There is no other emotion as sweet as unconditional love. It is what makes our hearts beat: the  Dulce de Leche of our souls.

5) Thin Mints are the way to a woman's heart. Simple as that.


Can you tell our family is unable to say no to those adorable Girl Scout faces and their boxes of sugary goodness? Too bad they don't sell these treasures year-round...

Project 52 | seven

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We have had a magnificent long weekend; a very good reminder of the love and support our family possesses here in NashVegas. And it provided a great stage for this week's lesson of truth...

On Saturday we spent the morning picking out flowers at Import Flowers, a shop in Sylvan Park that Korey found thanks to a tip from a coworker. We wanted to pick out a few blooms to share with hosts of a dinner party we'd be visiting on Sunday. What a magnificent little shop: Lucas had a blast helping pick out flowers, chatting with the knowledgable girl who helped us settle on these gorgeous calla lillies and filler, and showing us how the gerbera daisy she gave him bloomed. It felt good to connect with a part of our city that we don't get to in our every day routine. It reminded me that we are a part of something intricate and impressive -- even if it remains hidden in my mind as we trudge through our day to day. 

We also got to spend some fun time with friends from my school and their kids (and grandkids). We are truly blessed to have made familial connections at work. In the hectic day-to-day, these ladies often act as our surrogate family members in times of need -- we are so lucky to have them to help us bloom in Nashville.

On Sunday we had the opportunity to cook for the Youth at church. Korey cooked another dynamite meal while I baked yummy deliciousness for dessert (I broke them and baked them). Our day of good fellowship began with sharing lunch and continued in the early evening with a dinner with church folks. We laughed, connected, and reveled in the shared joys of our families. It was great to share stories and find similarities between our lives that began hundreds of miles apart and were brought to the same moment in a warm home with divine nourishment -- both food and spirit.

And then this morning, Lucas and I shared an hour at the Red Caboose Park where he showed me just how much he's grown since we moved here a year and a half ago. Racing between the swings and slides, my hysterical boy leaped for joy when he courageously took on the moving bridge by himself for the first time. He begged for help but then conquered the tire ladder on his own over... and over... and over again. 

The lesson for our little guy this week is perhaps an add-on to our lesson from week one, and it echos the message I took away from our Sunday School class for new/inquiring members at Blakemore. Our pastor shared the three basic lessons of John Wesley and though I'd heard them in some form or fashion in college, their meaning resonated with me as I reflected on the events of our weekend: Do no harm. Do all the good you can. Stay in love with God. 

Our guy has known many places as "home". He was born in New York and spent the first two precious months of his life in my own home state. Then he spent two years in Danville, Virginia, a place I didn't even know existed until AU Volleyball took a chance on an '07 graduate with an unquenchable thirst to learn. And now his home is Middle Tennessee -- perhaps the first place he'll truly remember when he looks back on his early life and reflects on "home".

It's easy for me to see how he's bloomed in all of these places by the web he's cast on so many loved ones we've connected with in all of these places. If there were ever a precise moment where I could pinpoint the existence of God -- it would be in the relationships that have bloomed for us in all of the places we've been.

No coincidence. We connect (and bloom) because of something deeper than chance. Hmm... that sounds like a painting waiting to be created...

( ...word... )